I never really get into my personal life.. Let’s change that peeps!
For a very long time - years to be exact - I have been struggling with my chronic body pains + mental health.
For the past years I spent more hours in hospitals and therapies than I can count, I am not depended of the wheelchair nor being stuck at home anymore. I have to say I’m doing really great now! Besides the part I still have to live with the constant chronic body pains ( solk ). So I wanted to try some medical rehabilitation for the last time with the hopes in mind that I will be happier than ever.
Aren’t that some great new year’s resolutions?
I am kinda scared to tell you all about It but I thought ‘what the heck’.
Even though these three weeks will be intense I thought It would be an awesome idea to keep track of everything I do there and give you all a little insight in my life.
Like a public journal.
Monday October 12 2020
Today I started the last week of rehabilitation. Very scary and also a kind of exciting, I made a lot of progress I think.. This weekend I had a lot of anxiety and panic attacks at night mixed with some nightmares. GREAT! It all hit me that after this week I have to do it on my own again, well not completely ofcourse. However my journey at the location is over. I’m so scared I fall back in my old habits or that I just can’t expect more off my body. Scary thoughts that I have because off historical trajects. So thankfully I had a conversation with the physio about it all. He made me feel a lot better, and wants me to be kinder to myself. He thinks that when myself love increases I wouldn’t be so hart for myself, what will conclude in me not having that much anxiety.
Homework: write down at the end of the day 2 things that were positive - made me happy or made me proud of myself. Cool.
Tuesday October 13 2020
Today I was confronted a lot by different therapists that i’m not kind enough (or not kind at all) for and to myself. Like I know I’m hard on myself however I never really thought about it. I always had the feeling that I was motivating myself to be a better me. Well… I thought wrong.
So we had some conversations about it, and in those conversations I had a realisation moment..
I was indeed very mean to myself, my thoughts can be really harsh..
Omg I’m a bully, a bully to myself… So no I have homework to work on that.
Wednesday October 14 2020
I can’t believe this is the last week at the location, these three weeks went by so fast.
My homework went “MEH”, not great – could’ve done it way better! Even though I don’t know how..
And again, i’m not nice to myself.. STOP IT BRAIN! I always want the best for other people and try my hardest to give everybody a comfortable feeling. Why can’t I do that for myself.. ‘
However on the bright side, my anxiety last night was not that intense.. That’s positive.. Write that down for your homework kid..
Well okay enough for today, see you tomorrow. Sweet dreams my world wide web mates.
Thursday October 15 2020
For the very first time I laid down while doing mindfulness at the traject. I have tried it at home for about 2 weeks now, I thought It would help to begin in a save environment. So I thought it would be a logical next step to try it at the therapy. Well…. I actually hated it so bad. It felt so uncomfortable and my anxiety went sky high.. Besides that, my planning for the first week without rehabilitation at the location is checked, Luckily it was all okay!
Friday October 16 2020
Omg my last rehabilitation day at the location. I’m fricking nervous , it almost feels like the very last day of school. I think I’m confident and stressed at the same time. – GREAT.
We celebrated this day with our group, we ate some cake and then It was time to go.
Weirdly enough I will miss them and being at the location.
I know them for 3 weeks so it’s kinda strange to not see them every day.
Well not completely , the traject isn’t over yet. I have 3 more months to go. However it will be on zoom because of the covid-19 situation.
For now this was my last post about my rehabilitation traject.
Maybe I will give a monthly update, who knows!
Thank you all for the great support and sweet massages.
I really appreciate all of them!
Hugs and kisses.